Monday, June 9, 2008

Ask The Big Cat

Hello, I am THE BIG CAT, here to answer all your feline related questions. Yes I know, your astounded a cat could have such good diction. Never mind that. I am here for you and ready to answer any and all of your questions. So go ahead, ask away and after my nap I may choose to answer. Send your questions to THE BIG BRAIN and he will forward them to me. They took away my e-mail. Just because someone ordered 400 crates of cat food on eBay doesn’t mean it was me and they can’t prove it. Err anyway, e-mail THE BIG CAT, you’ll be glad you did.

QUESTION FROM TIGGER, Nashville TN
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: I want more food. I need more food.
Answer: Look, this is not rocket science. Meow as much as you can and look pathetic. This should work, it does for me.

QUESTION FROM MUFFIE, Dallas TX
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: You are very handsome. Is it possible we could meet?
Answer: Well, ah thanks but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. I’m trouble with a capital T.

QUESTION FROM D.F. Portland OR
Dear Mr. CAT: My cats won’t listen to me at all. What can I do?
Answer: So the problem is what... Exactly.

QUESTION FROM STINKY, Austin TX
Dear Big Cat: What can I do about hair balls?
Answer: Try being creative, knit yourself a sweater.....just kidding, cats can’t knit, we have no thumbs.

QUESTION FROM TILLY, Fresno CA
Dear Mr. Big Cat: The dogs on my street are completely uncouth. What can I do?
Answer: Ignore them, they are silly beasts with no manners or style and their licking techniques are completely without merit.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Ask the Big Cat

Dear Mr. Big Cat: Why are dogs so dumb?
Answer: Dogs are dumb because their brains are smaller that ours but try not to gloat because it is beneath us. I need some cat nip.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Ask the Big Cat

QUESTION FROM T. J. Johnson City TN
Dear Big Cat: Why do cat’s meow.
Answer: Why do humans continually yak, yak, yak, all day long seemingly without end. I DON’T KNOW! I need a cat treat.