Question from D. S. Seattle, WA
Dear Big Brain: Why am I here?
Answer: The Big Brain is glad you asked, actually, that depends on where you really are, unless of course, you don't mean it in the literal sense. The Big Brain however believes he knows what you mean. You mean what is my purpose. Is this all there is, this seemingly meaningless existence can't be it. This useless day after day after day of wasted time, wasted energy, and ultimately, a wasted life. Is that what you mean? Well, the Big Brain has some good news. There is a reason you're here and that reason is to fulfill your destiny. Well then, what is my destiny you say. It can be summed up in two simple phrases. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength and love thy neighbour as thyself. You do have to begin however, and that step has to be taken by you. I sincerely hope that you do. If you don't know where to start look here.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Big Brain Answers
Question from T. M. Austin, TX
Dear Big Brain: Where does milk come from?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN often wonders why people ask such obvious questions. Consequently, the BIG BRAIN shall refrain from sarcasm and simply answer the question. Milk comes from the store. Thanks and never write The BIG BRAIN again.
Dear Big Brain: Where does milk come from?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN often wonders why people ask such obvious questions. Consequently, the BIG BRAIN shall refrain from sarcasm and simply answer the question. Milk comes from the store. Thanks and never write The BIG BRAIN again.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Big Brain Answers
Question from R. L. Boston, MA
Dear Big Brain: I just saw an advertisement for Raincoats. Why would rain need a coat?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN is sometimes amazed at these questions. Rain would need a coat for the same reason we would need a coat. To keep from getting wet. Is it me...tell me it's me. Thanks for your support.
Dear Big Brain: I just saw an advertisement for Raincoats. Why would rain need a coat?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN is sometimes amazed at these questions. Rain would need a coat for the same reason we would need a coat. To keep from getting wet. Is it me...tell me it's me. Thanks for your support.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Big Brain Answers
Question from B. N. Los Angeles, CA
Dear Big Brain: Why is it that a lemon is yellow but an orange is orange?
Answer: I'm glad you asked. The BIG BRAIN believes there are some mysteries in the universe that are best left unanswered and this is one of them. Thanks for your support.
Dear Big Brain: Why is it that a lemon is yellow but an orange is orange?
Answer: I'm glad you asked. The BIG BRAIN believes there are some mysteries in the universe that are best left unanswered and this is one of them. Thanks for your support.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Big Brain Answers
Question from J.H. Chicago IL
Dear Big Brain: Where does ones "personality" come from?
Answer: That's a very good question. The BIG BRAIN was actually born without a personality. Yes, hard to believe, but true. As a youth The BIG BRAIN wondered why all the other kids had personalities and he did not. It was a type of birth defect, his mother would often tell him. Anyway, The BIG BRAIN was determined to find a way to get one. So at age 12, The BIG BRAIN got a paper route and began to save his money. After 14 years, at the age of 26, The BIG BRAIN finally saved up enough money to buy a personality and that is the personality you see here today. Some would say he did not save enough, but that's another story. Anyway, to answer your question, some people are born with a personality and some buy them from a store. Ironic isn't it.
Dear Big Brain: Where does ones "personality" come from?
Answer: That's a very good question. The BIG BRAIN was actually born without a personality. Yes, hard to believe, but true. As a youth The BIG BRAIN wondered why all the other kids had personalities and he did not. It was a type of birth defect, his mother would often tell him. Anyway, The BIG BRAIN was determined to find a way to get one. So at age 12, The BIG BRAIN got a paper route and began to save his money. After 14 years, at the age of 26, The BIG BRAIN finally saved up enough money to buy a personality and that is the personality you see here today. Some would say he did not save enough, but that's another story. Anyway, to answer your question, some people are born with a personality and some buy them from a store. Ironic isn't it.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Big Brain Answers
Question from G. K. Oxford, Ms
Dear Mr Big Brain: What are clouds made of?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN is glad you asked. Clouds seem to be made of some type of puffy white and gray material that somehow sticks together. The BIG BRAIN believes that in some way glue must be involved. Since the clouds seem to change shape at frequent intervals The BIG BRAIN also believes that the glue isn't very good. Thanks for asking and have a nice day.
Dear Mr Big Brain: What are clouds made of?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN is glad you asked. Clouds seem to be made of some type of puffy white and gray material that somehow sticks together. The BIG BRAIN believes that in some way glue must be involved. Since the clouds seem to change shape at frequent intervals The BIG BRAIN also believes that the glue isn't very good. Thanks for asking and have a nice day.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Big Brain Answers
Question from L. K. Kingsland, NJ
Dear Big Brain: Does The Big Brain ever get sick?
Answer: Good question. The BIG BRAIN doesn't really get sick however sometimes his brain does throb due to its enormous size. This generally makes The BIG BRAIN hungry which leads to a snack which generally solves the problem. Thanks and have a nice day
Dear Big Brain: Does The Big Brain ever get sick?
Answer: Good question. The BIG BRAIN doesn't really get sick however sometimes his brain does throb due to its enormous size. This generally makes The BIG BRAIN hungry which leads to a snack which generally solves the problem. Thanks and have a nice day
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Big Brain Answers
Question from H. R. New York, NY
Dear Big Brain: Why is Pluto no longer a planet?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN is confused, Pluto is a dog and has never been a planet. Never write the The BIG BRAIN again.
Dear Big Brain: Why is Pluto no longer a planet?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN is confused, Pluto is a dog and has never been a planet. Never write the The BIG BRAIN again.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Big Brain Answers
Question from K. H. Tuscon, AZ
Dear Big Brain: Why is ice cold?
Answer: Ice is cold because it's frozen. This is not rocket science people. The BIG BRAIN needs a cookie. Thanks and have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: Why is ice cold?
Answer: Ice is cold because it's frozen. This is not rocket science people. The BIG BRAIN needs a cookie. Thanks and have a nice day.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Big Brain Answers
Question from K. G. Fresno, CA
Dear Big Brain: What is dirt made of and where does it come from?
Answer: I'm glad you asked. Dirt seems to be made of some brown material of unknown origin. As to where it it comes from, that's easy, its always been here. Thanks and have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: What is dirt made of and where does it come from?
Answer: I'm glad you asked. Dirt seems to be made of some brown material of unknown origin. As to where it it comes from, that's easy, its always been here. Thanks and have a nice day.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from A. M. Fresno, CA
Dear Big Brain: Why are all snowflakes different?
Answer: That's a very good question. The BIG BRAIN believes that snowflakes are different because they come from different molds. The BIG BRAIN isn't quite sure who makes all these molds (actually he does have an inkling) but nevertheless someone does so now you have your answer. Thanks and have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: Why are all snowflakes different?
Answer: That's a very good question. The BIG BRAIN believes that snowflakes are different because they come from different molds. The BIG BRAIN isn't quite sure who makes all these molds (actually he does have an inkling) but nevertheless someone does so now you have your answer. Thanks and have a nice day.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from H. L. Los Angeles, CA
Dear Big Brain: What are volcanoes and why do the erupt?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes that volcanoes are kind of like noses for the earth. Sometimes they just have to blow, but in this instance there are no tissues big enough to take care of the problem and there just ends up being a big mess. Thanks and have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: What are volcanoes and why do the erupt?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes that volcanoes are kind of like noses for the earth. Sometimes they just have to blow, but in this instance there are no tissues big enough to take care of the problem and there just ends up being a big mess. Thanks and have a nice day.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from W. G. Paris, France
Dear Big Brain: How do birds know how to fly?
Answer: That's a very good question. Birds know how to fly because they take flying lessons. Shortly after they're born they take these lessons at a local community college. In addition, they seem to have wings which greatly assist in the process. Thanks and have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: How do birds know how to fly?
Answer: That's a very good question. Birds know how to fly because they take flying lessons. Shortly after they're born they take these lessons at a local community college. In addition, they seem to have wings which greatly assist in the process. Thanks and have a nice day.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from K. A. Livingston, MO
Dear Mr.Big Brain: How did you get to be so smart?
Answer: Thanks for asking. The BIG BRAIN noticed from an early age that he was different from the other kids. He seemed to know things that others did not. He seemed to stand out from the crowd. At first, many were jealous of The BIG BRAIN but gradually he seemed to notice they embraced his knowledge. Of course not all did, as some, thought he was an idiot. But The BIG BRAIN persevered and became the enigma he is today. As to how The BIG BRAIN got to be so smart, it's very simple. He was born that way.
Dear Mr.Big Brain: How did you get to be so smart?
Answer: Thanks for asking. The BIG BRAIN noticed from an early age that he was different from the other kids. He seemed to know things that others did not. He seemed to stand out from the crowd. At first, many were jealous of The BIG BRAIN but gradually he seemed to notice they embraced his knowledge. Of course not all did, as some, thought he was an idiot. But The BIG BRAIN persevered and became the enigma he is today. As to how The BIG BRAIN got to be so smart, it's very simple. He was born that way.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from W. J. Boston, MA
Dear Big Brain: Where does rain come from and why is it wet?
Answer: Well, from The BIG BRAIN's observational research, rain seems to come from the sky. The BIG BRAIN has observed this on many occasions. The reason it's wet is because it's made of water. Thanks for your support and have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: Where does rain come from and why is it wet?
Answer: Well, from The BIG BRAIN's observational research, rain seems to come from the sky. The BIG BRAIN has observed this on many occasions. The reason it's wet is because it's made of water. Thanks for your support and have a nice day.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from H. R. Ashville, NC
Dear Big Brain: Why is it cold in Winter?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes it is cold in winter due to a basic lack of heat. For some unknown reason, the sun does not seem to be as hot and this causes some kind of bizarre chain reaction which results in everyone getting cold. The BIG BRAIN needs a hot bath. Have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: Why is it cold in Winter?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes it is cold in winter due to a basic lack of heat. For some unknown reason, the sun does not seem to be as hot and this causes some kind of bizarre chain reaction which results in everyone getting cold. The BIG BRAIN needs a hot bath. Have a nice day.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from T. G. Washington DC
Dear Big Brain: How are fish able to breath under water?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes that fish actually can't breath under water and that they are just very good at holding their breath. They also seem to be very good swimmers and are apparently waterproof. Will wonders never cease. Thanks for your support.
Dear Big Brain: How are fish able to breath under water?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes that fish actually can't breath under water and that they are just very good at holding their breath. They also seem to be very good swimmers and are apparently waterproof. Will wonders never cease. Thanks for your support.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from H. P. Tuscon, AZ
Dear Mr Big Brain: Why is money important and how can I get more of it?
Answer: That's actually a very good question. Money is apparently important because when you use it people give you things in return for it. The BIG BRAIN isn't quite sure why people would give you things for pieces of paper but apparently they do so you might as well go with it. As to how to get more of it...I guess...have something to give people that they want and they will give you more money . The BIG BRAIN is confused by this entire scenario and needs a sandwich. Thanks and have a nice day.
Dear Mr Big Brain: Why is money important and how can I get more of it?
Answer: That's actually a very good question. Money is apparently important because when you use it people give you things in return for it. The BIG BRAIN isn't quite sure why people would give you things for pieces of paper but apparently they do so you might as well go with it. As to how to get more of it...I guess...have something to give people that they want and they will give you more money . The BIG BRAIN is confused by this entire scenario and needs a sandwich. Thanks and have a nice day.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from R. F. Kingman, AZ
Dear Mr Big Brain: Should I refinance my home mortgage? I put zero down with an adjustable rate on a house I couldn't really afford.
Answer: The BIG BRAIN thinks you should hold off on refinancing your mortgage at this time. The BIG BRAIN believes if you wait long enough, the government will probably buy your home for a premium and give you a monthly allowance just to stay put. Ignorance pays in some situations. Live long and prosper.
Dear Mr Big Brain: Should I refinance my home mortgage? I put zero down with an adjustable rate on a house I couldn't really afford.
Answer: The BIG BRAIN thinks you should hold off on refinancing your mortgage at this time. The BIG BRAIN believes if you wait long enough, the government will probably buy your home for a premium and give you a monthly allowance just to stay put. Ignorance pays in some situations. Live long and prosper.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from D. G. Sydney, AU
Dear Big Brain: How much is too much?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes too much is when you have a certain amount of something and you don't need any more but you continue to acquire more of this something until you have way too much of it. At that point, you have too much. Thanks for your support.
Dear Big Brain: How much is too much?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes too much is when you have a certain amount of something and you don't need any more but you continue to acquire more of this something until you have way too much of it. At that point, you have too much. Thanks for your support.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from K. L. Denver, CO
Dear Big Brain: Why is the sun hot?
Answer: That's a very good question. The BIG BRAIN believes the sun is hot because it is on fire. Being on fire generally makes things hot and the sun would be no exception. Thanks and have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: Why is the sun hot?
Answer: That's a very good question. The BIG BRAIN believes the sun is hot because it is on fire. Being on fire generally makes things hot and the sun would be no exception. Thanks and have a nice day.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from D. G. Anchorage, AK
Dear Big Brain: Why do dogs bark?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes dogs bark because they have something they want to say and have a strong internal need to express themselves. Or, it might be, because they can. The BIG BRAIN isn't sure. Live long and prosper.
Dear Big Brain: Why do dogs bark?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN believes dogs bark because they have something they want to say and have a strong internal need to express themselves. Or, it might be, because they can. The BIG BRAIN isn't sure. Live long and prosper.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question From F. R. Dallas TX
Dear BIG BRAIN: Why is the earth round?
Answer: That is a very good question. The BIG BRAIN believes the earth is round because things spin better when they are round. Have a nice day!
Dear BIG BRAIN: Why is the earth round?
Answer: That is a very good question. The BIG BRAIN believes the earth is round because things spin better when they are round. Have a nice day!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question From K. F. Los Angeles CA
Dear Mr. Big Brain: Why can’t Cats fly?
Answer: This is possibly the most inane question The BIG BRAIN has ever heard. Never write The BIG BRAIN again.
Dear Mr. Big Brain: Why can’t Cats fly?
Answer: This is possibly the most inane question The BIG BRAIN has ever heard. Never write The BIG BRAIN again.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from S.R. Tampa FL
Dear Big Brain: What causes Hurricanes?
Answer: I'm glad you asked, hurricanes are caused when a lot of wind and rain get together and twirl around for awhile and churn up a big mess. The BIG BRAIN is not sure exactly sure why this happens but apparently it does so there's your answer. Thanks for your support.
Dear Big Brain: What causes Hurricanes?
Answer: I'm glad you asked, hurricanes are caused when a lot of wind and rain get together and twirl around for awhile and churn up a big mess. The BIG BRAIN is not sure exactly sure why this happens but apparently it does so there's your answer. Thanks for your support.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from L.D. Miami FL
Dear Big Brain: What is the square root of 1,255?
Answer: That is an intriguing question. The BIG BRAIN will will get back to you with an answer at a later time. Have a nice day.
Dear Big Brain: What is the square root of 1,255?
Answer: That is an intriguing question. The BIG BRAIN will will get back to you with an answer at a later time. Have a nice day.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from M. D. Calgary CA
Dear Mr Know it all: I don't think you know anything. I think you make all this stuff up.
Answer: The BIG BRAIN will ignore this statement completely. Never question The BIG BRAINS knowledge. The BIG BRAINS wealth of knowledge is vast and beyond measure. So there....
Dear Mr Know it all: I don't think you know anything. I think you make all this stuff up.
Answer: The BIG BRAIN will ignore this statement completely. Never question The BIG BRAINS knowledge. The BIG BRAINS wealth of knowledge is vast and beyond measure. So there....
Friday, August 29, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from T. J. Albany NY:
Dear BIG BRAIN: How many Stars are there?
Answer: There are a lot of stars. So many in fact, The BIG BRAIN chooses not put a precise number on it, but if The BIG BRAIN were asked to put a precise number on it he would say 219. Thanks for your support.
Dear BIG BRAIN: How many Stars are there?
Answer: There are a lot of stars. So many in fact, The BIG BRAIN chooses not put a precise number on it, but if The BIG BRAIN were asked to put a precise number on it he would say 219. Thanks for your support.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from R. T. Dallas TX
Dear Mr. Fat Head: What makes you so smart?
Answer: I'm glad you asked. The BIG Brains wealth of knowledge is vast and beyond measure. Asking what makes The BIG BRAIN intelligent is like asking why the sky is blue. It just IS. By the way, don't ask The BIG BRAIN why the sky is blue. The BIG BRAIN obviously knows why but chooses not to answer at this time. Have a nice day.
Dear Mr. Fat Head: What makes you so smart?
Answer: I'm glad you asked. The BIG Brains wealth of knowledge is vast and beyond measure. Asking what makes The BIG BRAIN intelligent is like asking why the sky is blue. It just IS. By the way, don't ask The BIG BRAIN why the sky is blue. The BIG BRAIN obviously knows why but chooses not to answer at this time. Have a nice day.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from B. L. Austin TX
Dear Big Brain: Speaking of Sky, just how big is the sky?
Answer: I'm glad you asked, the sky is very big, so big, in fact, that The BIG BRAIN again chooses not to answer as to not confuse people with the detail required in giving such a complex answer. Thanks.
Dear Big Brain: Speaking of Sky, just how big is the sky?
Answer: I'm glad you asked, the sky is very big, so big, in fact, that The BIG BRAIN again chooses not to answer as to not confuse people with the detail required in giving such a complex answer. Thanks.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Big Brain Answers
Question from K. T. Arlington VA
Dear Big Brain: What is your favorite color?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN generally does not like to choose favorites but if forced to choose a favorite color he would have to say plaid. Thanks for your attention.
Dear Big Brain: What is your favorite color?
Answer: The BIG BRAIN generally does not like to choose favorites but if forced to choose a favorite color he would have to say plaid. Thanks for your attention.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Top Ten Brain Answers
And now, what you’ve all been waiting for. THE BIG BRAIN will begin to answer your questions. Settle down, take a deep breath and begin to embrace the knowledge of THE BIG BRAIN. You may be a little overwhelmed at first. That’s natural. But rest assured, THE BIG BRAIN will always be here for you.
QUESTION FROM R. H. Albany NY
Dear BIG BRAIN: Is your head extra large due to the enormity of your brain? Answer: I’m glad you asked. THE BIG BRAIN’S head is of average size but his brain cells are abnormally large and tightly packed. This sometimes causes THE BIG BRAIN’S head to throb, however THE BIG BRAIN puts up with this for the good of humanity.
QUESTION FROM T. M. Dallas TX
Dear Big Brain: You are the smartest and most bestest man in the whole world. You are my idal. I want to be just like you. Would it be possible that one day we could meet? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN is stunned. Never write THE BIG BRAIN again.
QUESTION FROM D. S. Oakland TN
Dear Mr. Head: If a train leaves NYC for Chicago going 60 MPH and another train leaves Chicago going to NYC at 40 MPH and they are 700 miles apart how many miles from NY would they pass each other? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN chooses not to answer at this time. Do not think it is because THE BIG BRAIN does not know the answer. He does. It's just that he feels some questions are best left unanswered. THE BIG BRAIN’S head is throbbing again.
QUESTION FROM V. C. Oakland CA
Dear BIG BRAIN: How many miles is the earth from the sun. Answer: 72
QUESTION FROM N. M. PARIS FRANCE
Dear Head: Why does THE BIG BRAIN always answer questions in the 3rd person? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN does this as to not sound conceited. THE BIG BRAIN is always thinking of others.
QUESTION FROM J.P. MEMPHIS TN
Dear Mr. BIG BRAIN: Are your other body parts in proportion to the size of your Big Brain? Answer: Yes.
QUESTION FROM M.W. Portland OR
Dear Mr. FAT HEAD: My dad is way smarter than you. What do you think about that? Answer: Oh Yea. He is not.
QUESTION FROM S. J. ATLANTA GA
Dear Mr. Brain: I just love intelligent men. Are you married? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN is currently attached to Mrs. BIG BRAIN and can’t get unloosed.
QUESTION FROM D .R. KNOXVILLE TN
Dear Mr. BIG BRAIN: Why does E=MC Squared? Answer: It doesn’t, Einstein was wrong.
QUESTION FROM M. B. BOSTON MA
Dear HEAD: How many angels can fit on the head of a pin? Answer: 2
QUESTION FROM J. B. CLEVELAND OH
Dear Big Brain: Is it possible I could ever be as smart as you? Answer: No
QUESTION FROM R. E. COLLIERVILLE TN
Dear Mr. Brain: If I went to town how many would there be? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN wonders if you could be a little more vague.
QUESTION FROM Y. B. Los Angeles CA
Dear MR. BIG BRAIN: Who do you think is smarter, men or women? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN will get back to you with the answer at a later time. Do not think for one moment that THE BIG BRAIN is afraid to answer this question.
QUESTION FROM R. H. Albany NY
Dear BIG BRAIN: Is your head extra large due to the enormity of your brain? Answer: I’m glad you asked. THE BIG BRAIN’S head is of average size but his brain cells are abnormally large and tightly packed. This sometimes causes THE BIG BRAIN’S head to throb, however THE BIG BRAIN puts up with this for the good of humanity.
QUESTION FROM T. M. Dallas TX
Dear Big Brain: You are the smartest and most bestest man in the whole world. You are my idal. I want to be just like you. Would it be possible that one day we could meet? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN is stunned. Never write THE BIG BRAIN again.
QUESTION FROM D. S. Oakland TN
Dear Mr. Head: If a train leaves NYC for Chicago going 60 MPH and another train leaves Chicago going to NYC at 40 MPH and they are 700 miles apart how many miles from NY would they pass each other? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN chooses not to answer at this time. Do not think it is because THE BIG BRAIN does not know the answer. He does. It's just that he feels some questions are best left unanswered. THE BIG BRAIN’S head is throbbing again.
QUESTION FROM V. C. Oakland CA
Dear BIG BRAIN: How many miles is the earth from the sun. Answer: 72
QUESTION FROM N. M. PARIS FRANCE
Dear Head: Why does THE BIG BRAIN always answer questions in the 3rd person? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN does this as to not sound conceited. THE BIG BRAIN is always thinking of others.
QUESTION FROM J.P. MEMPHIS TN
Dear Mr. BIG BRAIN: Are your other body parts in proportion to the size of your Big Brain? Answer: Yes.
QUESTION FROM M.W. Portland OR
Dear Mr. FAT HEAD: My dad is way smarter than you. What do you think about that? Answer: Oh Yea. He is not.
QUESTION FROM S. J. ATLANTA GA
Dear Mr. Brain: I just love intelligent men. Are you married? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN is currently attached to Mrs. BIG BRAIN and can’t get unloosed.
QUESTION FROM D .R. KNOXVILLE TN
Dear Mr. BIG BRAIN: Why does E=MC Squared? Answer: It doesn’t, Einstein was wrong.
QUESTION FROM M. B. BOSTON MA
Dear HEAD: How many angels can fit on the head of a pin? Answer: 2
QUESTION FROM J. B. CLEVELAND OH
Dear Big Brain: Is it possible I could ever be as smart as you? Answer: No
QUESTION FROM R. E. COLLIERVILLE TN
Dear Mr. Brain: If I went to town how many would there be? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN wonders if you could be a little more vague.
QUESTION FROM Y. B. Los Angeles CA
Dear MR. BIG BRAIN: Who do you think is smarter, men or women? Answer: THE BIG BRAIN will get back to you with the answer at a later time. Do not think for one moment that THE BIG BRAIN is afraid to answer this question.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Ask The Big Cat
Hello, I am THE BIG CAT, here to answer all your feline related questions. Yes I know, your astounded a cat could have such good diction. Never mind that. I am here for you and ready to answer any and all of your questions. So go ahead, ask away and after my nap I may choose to answer. Send your questions to THE BIG BRAIN and he will forward them to me. They took away my e-mail. Just because someone ordered 400 crates of cat food on eBay doesn’t mean it was me and they can’t prove it. Err anyway, e-mail THE BIG CAT, you’ll be glad you did.
QUESTION FROM TIGGER, Nashville TN
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: I want more food. I need more food.
Answer: Look, this is not rocket science. Meow as much as you can and look pathetic. This should work, it does for me.
QUESTION FROM MUFFIE, Dallas TX
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: You are very handsome. Is it possible we could meet?
Answer: Well, ah thanks but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. I’m trouble with a capital T.
QUESTION FROM D.F. Portland OR
Dear Mr. CAT: My cats won’t listen to me at all. What can I do?
Answer: So the problem is what... Exactly.
QUESTION FROM STINKY, Austin TX
Dear Big Cat: What can I do about hair balls?
Answer: Try being creative, knit yourself a sweater.....just kidding, cats can’t knit, we have no thumbs.
QUESTION FROM TILLY, Fresno CA
Dear Mr. Big Cat: The dogs on my street are completely uncouth. What can I do?
Answer: Ignore them, they are silly beasts with no manners or style and their licking techniques are completely without merit.
QUESTION FROM TIGGER, Nashville TN
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: I want more food. I need more food.
Answer: Look, this is not rocket science. Meow as much as you can and look pathetic. This should work, it does for me.
QUESTION FROM MUFFIE, Dallas TX
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: You are very handsome. Is it possible we could meet?
Answer: Well, ah thanks but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. I’m trouble with a capital T.
QUESTION FROM D.F. Portland OR
Dear Mr. CAT: My cats won’t listen to me at all. What can I do?
Answer: So the problem is what... Exactly.
QUESTION FROM STINKY, Austin TX
Dear Big Cat: What can I do about hair balls?
Answer: Try being creative, knit yourself a sweater.....just kidding, cats can’t knit, we have no thumbs.
QUESTION FROM TILLY, Fresno CA
Dear Mr. Big Cat: The dogs on my street are completely uncouth. What can I do?
Answer: Ignore them, they are silly beasts with no manners or style and their licking techniques are completely without merit.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Ask the Big Cat
Dear Mr. Big Cat: Why are dogs so dumb?
Answer: Dogs are dumb because their brains are smaller that ours but try not to gloat because it is beneath us. I need some cat nip.
Answer: Dogs are dumb because their brains are smaller that ours but try not to gloat because it is beneath us. I need some cat nip.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Ask the Big Cat
QUESTION FROM T. J. Johnson City TN
Dear Big Cat: Why do cat’s meow.
Answer: Why do humans continually yak, yak, yak, all day long seemingly without end. I DON’T KNOW! I need a cat treat.
Dear Big Cat: Why do cat’s meow.
Answer: Why do humans continually yak, yak, yak, all day long seemingly without end. I DON’T KNOW! I need a cat treat.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Ask the Big Cat
QUESTION FROM Scratch, Chicago IL
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: Why can’t cats fly?
Answer: That is quite possibly the dumbest question I have ever heard. I need a nap....
Dear Mr. BIG CAT: Why can’t cats fly?
Answer: That is quite possibly the dumbest question I have ever heard. I need a nap....
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Ask the Big Cat
QUESTION FROM F. T. Boone NC
Dear Mr. Cat: Why do cats act superior to everyone around them?
Answer: Maybe it’s because they ARE. Has that ever occurred to you. Is it me.....tell me it’s me?
Dear Mr. Cat: Why do cats act superior to everyone around them?
Answer: Maybe it’s because they ARE. Has that ever occurred to you. Is it me.....tell me it’s me?
Monday, April 14, 2008
The Croniam Chronicles
Read the following at your own risk. It contains a story that may not be for the weak hearted. Things are not always as they seem. Reality and fantasy can sometimes intersect, and when they do there can be consequences. Prepare yourself for...
The Croniam Chronicles
April 14th, 2008
BIG BRAIN discovers grass circles in his backyard!!! In an unusual development today, the BIG BRAIN discovered an unusual grass formation in his backyard in the shape of rare Albanian wildebeest. The BIG BRAIN is pondering the situation at this time and will get back to you with further updates.
Urgent update May 2nd, 2008
The webmaster of this site Has learned of the abduction of the BIG BRAIN by aliens. Apparently during the night he was taken by a group of aliens known as the Croniams. The BIG BRAIN has communicated this to yours truly via his massive brain waves. He is currently being probed by the Croniams in an effort to learn all of the Worlds knowledge. He is resisting at this time and is urging his followers to remain calm. I will ultimately prevail, he said. Stay tuned.
Urgent Update: May 4th, 2008
No further communication from the BIG BRAIN...webmaster worried.
Urgent Update: In an unprecedented coup, the BIG BRAIN has freed himself from the Croniams and escaped from their mothership. He is in an undisclosed location at this time and is working on ways to counteract their attack on this world. Stay tuned for further developments.
Update: May 15th, 2008
"BIG BRAIN SAVES WORLD" Early this morning, the BIG BRAIN focusing his massive brain waves destroyed the Croniam mothership and all its inhabitants. This intensive endeavor took its toll on the brain and he is in a severely weakened state. When asked about this heroic feat he just kept mumbling over and over "I’ll have fries with that." The BIG BRAIN is currently resting in a still undisclosed location. Stay tuned.....
May 17th, 2008 Update:
BRAIN recovering nicely but concerned about news of other Croniam scout craft moving into our solar system. The BIG BRAIN is currently working with government Officials to monitor the situation at this time...stay tuned.
Later the same day....Brain worried, sensing impending doom!! Stay tuned.
Urgent Update May 26th, 2008
BIG BRAIN feeling light headed, highly unusual for a being who’s Brain cells are abnormally large and tightly packed. Stay Tuned....
The BIG BRAIN and Government Officials have confirmed the Croniams have surrounded the earth with a large number of scout craft. Brain feeling uneasy. He needs a sandwich.
Urgent Update May 28th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has been contacted by a branch of the government he has not encountered before. They have left him with some disturbing information. The BRAIN is pondering the situation at this time and will get back with you as soon as possible. This may be more than the BRAIN can handle.......
Urgent Update: May 30th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has been put in a difficult position. The survival of the world is in the balance. A moral delemia confronts the BRAIN. Good vs Evil sometimes has shades of gray. The BIG BRAIN needs to focus....stay tuned.
Urgent Update: June 4th, 2008
The Webmaster of this site has some disturbing information. The BIG BRAIN has not been heard from for days. Government Officials have been informed but seemed unconcerned. This is troubling. Hopefully I will have something to report soon.
Urgent Update: June 7th, 2008
Webmaster has good news. The BIG BRAIN is safe but has some unsettling information. The BRAIN has learned that the Croniams may not be our biggest problem. Apparently there is a darker side to this story. (There is a more menacing enemy) More info as allowed soon...
Urgent Update: June 14th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has communicated the following. There is another group called "The Old Ones" that are the bigger enemy. At this point battling the Croniams will have to wait. I have never seen The BIG BRAIN this concerned. He is not even hungry. Webmaster is worried......
Update: June 20th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN is contemplating one of the biggest decisions he has ever had to make. There is a choice between good and evil and The BIG BRAIN has made his decision. The "OLD ONES" are offering power unseen beyond measure. The BIG BRAIN knows what he has to do. I have to go away for awhile.......but...I’ll be back.
Update: June 22nd, 2008
Devastating News, the webmaster has been told The BIG BRAIN is dead! I am in complete and utter shock.....I, at this point, don’t know what to do......what will the world do. I almost can’t go on...
Update: June 24th, 2008
The Webmaster of this site has turned to the only one left who may be a position to help. The BIG CAT has been consulted and has granted his assistance. Let’s all pray he will be able to do something. It is our only hope...stay tuned.
Update: June 28th, 2008
Great news, The BIG CAT using his giant feline Brain waves has learned The BIG BRAIN is alive. Apparently in a fierce battle with The "Old Ones" the BIG BRAIN was injured and is in a severe coma. More to follow but we just had to let you know.
Urgent Update: June 29th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN seems to be coming out of his coma but is still groggy. Apparently his battle with the "Old Ones" was intense and took its toll. He has requested a double bacon cheeseburger so things seem to be looking up. More later.
Update: July 5th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has recovered enough to begin sharing some details about his ordeal. The "Old Ones" are evil, mysterious and pose a great danger to this world. There origins are unknown and The BIG BRAIN is still trying to fill in the gaps of the story. The are trying to gain control of this planet. A small but powerful agency of the Government has known about them for a long time but The BIG BRAIN is not sure of the intentions of this "Agency" The BIG BRAIN is pondering his options at this time. The survival of the world in in the balance. Can The BIG BRAIN prevail, only time will tell. Stay tuned.
Update: July 8th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN is learning more and more about The "Old Ones" and the news in not good. They have been here since before this current age. They are the essence of evil and are powerful beyond measure. The "Agency" and the "Old Ones" are one and the same and neither can be trusted. The BIG BRAIN has found allies within the government who can be trusted and they are preparing for battle. More later.....
Update: July 19th, 2008
The Webmaster of this site has learned The BIG BRAIN and his allies are engaging in a fierce battle with the "Old Ones" and the news is not good. The Big Brain has been weakened and is feeling a little light headed. Which, of course, is not good for any brain. I am fighting the good fight he said, but the "Old Ones" are a difficult menace. They may not be defeated, at least until the time of the end, he said. We shall see.
Update: July 27th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN, focusing his massive brain waves on the "Old Ones" is currently holding them at bay. He is not making much progress but is holding his own. This will be a long and difficult battle, he said, I may need more help.......... There is someone coming to help me. Here’s hoping I can hold on.....
Update: August 2nd, 2008
The "Old Ones" have disappeared. The BIG BRAIN received the help he was hoping for and the "Old Ones" have vanished. The BIG BRAIN is afraid they are not gone for good however. We have been given the gift of a brief moment in time where we have the chance to choose. Shall we follow good or shall we follow evil. We all must make the right decision. Let’s hope we all do. The End....for now.
The Croniam Chronicles
April 14th, 2008
BIG BRAIN discovers grass circles in his backyard!!! In an unusual development today, the BIG BRAIN discovered an unusual grass formation in his backyard in the shape of rare Albanian wildebeest. The BIG BRAIN is pondering the situation at this time and will get back to you with further updates.
Urgent update May 2nd, 2008
The webmaster of this site Has learned of the abduction of the BIG BRAIN by aliens. Apparently during the night he was taken by a group of aliens known as the Croniams. The BIG BRAIN has communicated this to yours truly via his massive brain waves. He is currently being probed by the Croniams in an effort to learn all of the Worlds knowledge. He is resisting at this time and is urging his followers to remain calm. I will ultimately prevail, he said. Stay tuned.
Urgent Update: May 4th, 2008
No further communication from the BIG BRAIN...webmaster worried.
Urgent Update: In an unprecedented coup, the BIG BRAIN has freed himself from the Croniams and escaped from their mothership. He is in an undisclosed location at this time and is working on ways to counteract their attack on this world. Stay tuned for further developments.
Update: May 15th, 2008
"BIG BRAIN SAVES WORLD" Early this morning, the BIG BRAIN focusing his massive brain waves destroyed the Croniam mothership and all its inhabitants. This intensive endeavor took its toll on the brain and he is in a severely weakened state. When asked about this heroic feat he just kept mumbling over and over "I’ll have fries with that." The BIG BRAIN is currently resting in a still undisclosed location. Stay tuned.....
May 17th, 2008 Update:
BRAIN recovering nicely but concerned about news of other Croniam scout craft moving into our solar system. The BIG BRAIN is currently working with government Officials to monitor the situation at this time...stay tuned.
Later the same day....Brain worried, sensing impending doom!! Stay tuned.
Urgent Update May 26th, 2008
BIG BRAIN feeling light headed, highly unusual for a being who’s Brain cells are abnormally large and tightly packed. Stay Tuned....
The BIG BRAIN and Government Officials have confirmed the Croniams have surrounded the earth with a large number of scout craft. Brain feeling uneasy. He needs a sandwich.
Urgent Update May 28th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has been contacted by a branch of the government he has not encountered before. They have left him with some disturbing information. The BRAIN is pondering the situation at this time and will get back with you as soon as possible. This may be more than the BRAIN can handle.......
Urgent Update: May 30th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has been put in a difficult position. The survival of the world is in the balance. A moral delemia confronts the BRAIN. Good vs Evil sometimes has shades of gray. The BIG BRAIN needs to focus....stay tuned.
Urgent Update: June 4th, 2008
The Webmaster of this site has some disturbing information. The BIG BRAIN has not been heard from for days. Government Officials have been informed but seemed unconcerned. This is troubling. Hopefully I will have something to report soon.
Urgent Update: June 7th, 2008
Webmaster has good news. The BIG BRAIN is safe but has some unsettling information. The BRAIN has learned that the Croniams may not be our biggest problem. Apparently there is a darker side to this story. (There is a more menacing enemy) More info as allowed soon...
Urgent Update: June 14th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has communicated the following. There is another group called "The Old Ones" that are the bigger enemy. At this point battling the Croniams will have to wait. I have never seen The BIG BRAIN this concerned. He is not even hungry. Webmaster is worried......
Update: June 20th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN is contemplating one of the biggest decisions he has ever had to make. There is a choice between good and evil and The BIG BRAIN has made his decision. The "OLD ONES" are offering power unseen beyond measure. The BIG BRAIN knows what he has to do. I have to go away for awhile.......but...I’ll be back.
Update: June 22nd, 2008
Devastating News, the webmaster has been told The BIG BRAIN is dead! I am in complete and utter shock.....I, at this point, don’t know what to do......what will the world do. I almost can’t go on...
Update: June 24th, 2008
The Webmaster of this site has turned to the only one left who may be a position to help. The BIG CAT has been consulted and has granted his assistance. Let’s all pray he will be able to do something. It is our only hope...stay tuned.
Update: June 28th, 2008
Great news, The BIG CAT using his giant feline Brain waves has learned The BIG BRAIN is alive. Apparently in a fierce battle with The "Old Ones" the BIG BRAIN was injured and is in a severe coma. More to follow but we just had to let you know.
Urgent Update: June 29th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN seems to be coming out of his coma but is still groggy. Apparently his battle with the "Old Ones" was intense and took its toll. He has requested a double bacon cheeseburger so things seem to be looking up. More later.
Update: July 5th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN has recovered enough to begin sharing some details about his ordeal. The "Old Ones" are evil, mysterious and pose a great danger to this world. There origins are unknown and The BIG BRAIN is still trying to fill in the gaps of the story. The are trying to gain control of this planet. A small but powerful agency of the Government has known about them for a long time but The BIG BRAIN is not sure of the intentions of this "Agency" The BIG BRAIN is pondering his options at this time. The survival of the world in in the balance. Can The BIG BRAIN prevail, only time will tell. Stay tuned.
Update: July 8th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN is learning more and more about The "Old Ones" and the news in not good. They have been here since before this current age. They are the essence of evil and are powerful beyond measure. The "Agency" and the "Old Ones" are one and the same and neither can be trusted. The BIG BRAIN has found allies within the government who can be trusted and they are preparing for battle. More later.....
Update: July 19th, 2008
The Webmaster of this site has learned The BIG BRAIN and his allies are engaging in a fierce battle with the "Old Ones" and the news is not good. The Big Brain has been weakened and is feeling a little light headed. Which, of course, is not good for any brain. I am fighting the good fight he said, but the "Old Ones" are a difficult menace. They may not be defeated, at least until the time of the end, he said. We shall see.
Update: July 27th, 2008
The BIG BRAIN, focusing his massive brain waves on the "Old Ones" is currently holding them at bay. He is not making much progress but is holding his own. This will be a long and difficult battle, he said, I may need more help.......... There is someone coming to help me. Here’s hoping I can hold on.....
Update: August 2nd, 2008
The "Old Ones" have disappeared. The BIG BRAIN received the help he was hoping for and the "Old Ones" have vanished. The BIG BRAIN is afraid they are not gone for good however. We have been given the gift of a brief moment in time where we have the chance to choose. Shall we follow good or shall we follow evil. We all must make the right decision. Let’s hope we all do. The End....for now.
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